blowing up.

i think i've wrote this here before. okay.. maybe in the previous blog. but it still rings true. somethings.. are just not meant to be. well in this case, it is of a tahap-life changing. yep. it was big. a huge milestone. and i didn't blew it. despite my loserish streak. nope. this time, i reached out... all our to have it **THIS FUCKING CLOSE** to having one thing i'd be most proud of.. my life thus far. but nope. it had to blow just like that. *weeps* i teared but what i really needed was a big bawl. one that i'll have to fight to catch my breath and have my head fenging and stomach cramps after it all... but i didn't have a chance to. more so a reason too. so i tot perhaps watching a sad movie and cryyyyy after that would be a good option for relief. and i picked one of my all time fav 'the pursuit of happyness' and i just teared. but it did feel good. also i realized my perspective of the movie is so varied from how i remembered i had when i last watched it. it was all a-blurry, with parts patchy, not truly understanding. but i understand each and every single word and details and parts and whyyyy things happened and how in the movie now. it's like wearing a pair of glasses after being short sighted for the longest time. for instance, i didnt remember the movie being so short and concise. but i do understand why and what drove him into a new business that is totally foreign to him.

i hope no scratch that. i plan and expect i'll find my happyness soon too! i'm only but halfway there.
and i also believe that many things happen for a reason. and that sometimes, the are better things in store. we just need some patience and luck :)