.

Lying awake in my favourite set of comforter-pillow-bolster-pinky after a goodnight-call from le panda since 12. I shud go bck to zzzz... being here fr the third week is..... eventful. Really. 3 weeks. And 3 different places i hv been putting up at. Different ppl (or the lack of) i hv been w.

And when ppl ask me... how do u find it here ? I say its ok . Deep down i know... no matter where i am or how beautiful the place is... it is still you who makes it home and the best.

And i miss you so so so terribly. I shall adjourn to sleep now bcos it is then i can be really next to you.

Nights.
x

Le sigh.

Zzzzzzzzz

Wanting out and wanting to be in for others.

God knows how many actually do what they love for a living. One could only wish for for such things. These thinfs are wayyyyyy up there.... like true love and miracles. Unicorns and rainbows.

Getting fed up. Becoming numb. Not having to feel it all would make it better.

Feels like a never ending bad dream.

A better day.

Dear bloggy.

What have i gotten myself into?
I have driven myself into a pit... and now struggling and trying to come out and to survive it all.

On days kept busy it is better. Not when one is left w a hungry tummy and a mind full of imagination as to what to devour....

Life is hard they say..... they didnt say how.

Hang in there bunny. It will be better. It has to be.

October.

October is a month of changing of roles or can i say upgrading? Became a momo. Also wife to my panda.

And it is way too cliche but how fast does time fly?! Today is the last day of October and looking back, despite the 'change of roles' how much did i really adapt into these roles?

Semi momo and semi wife.

But there is progress. Improvement required swiftly... for the former. As for the latter i cant wait to have the full fledge ceremony done! Will be so fun!

I cant wait to try gowns n check out places!! Heeeeeeee

In a nutshell.

This past week has been a most emotionally challenging one.. didnt know i would have so so so many things to think about and have so many new angles brought into the equation if not for all that has arised.

So many ppl saying n telling me so many things. And as a result... it really puts me into perspective as to where exactly they come from ... its so perplexing. It can make one be so doubtful n question everything and everyone for that matter all over again.

I believe that people are a reflection of what they say and do. And it really goes to show their stand point and intention. everyone talks for the sake of talking. They dont really care... or care about you. After all..  ppl are only human and selfish. Self always comes first.

It is so mind blowing on so many levels. so before i let what anyone have to say or do gets me on a doubt or guilt trip again. Just shut it already ppl. 'Advices' and talking is cheap. your take on it doesnt really matter. And how ppl feed on gossips n news of others! It is obscene. Shame on you. I am so done w the emotional roller coaster. I am numb from feelings and frozen from thoughts.

I dont know what to feel or think anymore and this breakdown is timely albeit not necessary. We are now.. officially a two man island. must as well make it fun. Suckers.

In sane.

I think my hormones are making me hate everyone and being exceptionally emo and overeacting to everything and it is driving me nuts because im so uncomfortable around ppl and making them uncomfortable and the next minute i am overwhelmed by this wave of apathy i feel nothing...... empty and quietness. And then its anger hatred pain resent darkness. gah i hate myself now even.

Why is everything soooo complicated but im overthinking and overeacting to every single thing.

Emobun

Today i had such a emo roller coaster ride kinda day at work. So much drama. So many different personalities and attitude. i am really so tired today. But to know that all these happened.. and to learn to and to try to keep calm n not let it get back to me or be emo... is just so hard. Im just so high on emotions most of the time i wish i have a mind eraser that i cud rub off this part of me thats so easily worked up, agitated, so emotional and put in some you guys cnt touch me kinda attitude.

Such a loooong day today.