something is wrong with me. i practically don't feel the need to eat anymore. i can't rmbr the last time i had dinner. i mean proper ones. yet i'm feeling the expanding sides. i dip the valleys of emotions and then hit the sky again w a cute baby or two. and then.....
to be honest i fucking hate my life now. why? cos it sucks. i dont love what i think is my job. though i wouldn't say it's not good money. but i don't see myself in it for years to come. heck not even for another year or 2. it's just not me. i'm not made to do this. i'm not this.
it does seem that everyone just took a deep breath, jumped and took a dive in the deep waters but while i'm standing at the flimpsy plastic board, knowing i won't survive and would probably drown myself or hit my head if i follow suit, but pressure got me... everyone's jumping. and everyone's surviving and survived. why shouldn't i?
to be honest again. it was this very statement that le seal made during her uni years that got me into thinking i could make it through med school - that her average-student of a high school fren is doing alright perhaps even well in med school. so i thought, why won't i? brilliant idea.
6 years down the road, i'm here. i think i kinda knew med school and medicine wasn't my thing way earlier on. i just didn't have the balls to admit it and do something about it. or maybe i didn't have the balls to break it to my mom. best case scenario is me getting killed by mom. no biggie.
well. so here i am. thinking. everyday. how do i get the fuck out of this shyt hole that i don't belong to. yeah well perhaps some are right. no matter which field / job you're in, you're bound to be in a shyt hole. yea that sounds legit. but perhaps there are shyt holes that stinks less. i don't know. maybe i'm just too naive too. just being stupid like always. how now brown cow.
i'm just thinking and thinking how the fuck la do i get out. i need out i need out while others march on.
am i scared shyt of the days ahead, of the mountains to climb and decided to chicken out before i make more failure out of myself? or do i really know for sure that this ain't my calling?
you know what i mean?
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