there are too many times when words are just not enough to express the stream of feelings. perhaps, i'm the one with too much of this emotions for my own good. i know. but i can't help but feel that i'm running on all these hormones and tears. seriously. so emo. such a girl. so annoying.
mummypanda's leaving for moscow tomorrow. separation anxiety kicking in real hard. i feel like when i was back in kindergarten, holding on the mummybunny's clothings - reluctant to be left alone. i absolutely detest this feeling - having to say bye to someone so close. i dunno. i hate this separation anxiety thing.
//
meanwhile, try as i might. i got le panda's arrival date off - post call off to be exact. so it's pretty much a half a day thing. and had to work for another week till i get a day off to see him again. fml fml fml. just when i tot the hurdles are over, just being back in malaysia doesn't mean we are 'together together'. hence my love our time and freedom back in moscowland. now that's what freedom means. minus the salary. seriously. life never fails to throw jokes at us huh.
HOW I WANNA STOMP MY FEET TO PROTEST.
why do i get this feeling that no one cares i haven't seen my bf for a year why why why. you know why? cos -
REALLY NO ONE GIVES A FUCK.
sigh.
WHY DO WE NEED TO WORK. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.
(doesn't help that some supposedly grown up seniors have to act like whiney bitches - complaining about first hand experiences and all about colleagues who doesn't help each other out when we're all stuck in the same rut - BUT takes an hour ++ for prayers sessions - now THAT we must tolerate and understand and be considerate. DAFUQ? of course, it's not any religion that i'm attacking, i mean,, pls la, give and take some la for fucks sake. seriously tak tahan some of the guys' working ethics here RAWRRRRRR when am i going to end this fucked up dept)
Coming back to my point. RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR can i like take the whole fucking year off to spend time not doing anything. seriously. what is wrong w me. why do i feel like resorting to becoming a siu lai lai's life. fml fml fml.
RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Sunday, 30 June 2013
Friday, 28 June 2013
fuzzy / retrospect.
the other day i was boiling over this person who thinks he's such a smartass and so much superior to others. seriously, these ortho-surgeon-egoistic-wannabes need a slap in the face and some reality check. was too tired to rant and i hope it all disspitate soon.
wait..... what was i going to say again?
//
so. it's summer again. how do i know? because finally H&M has proper sales! wheeeeeeee i went cray cray of course. and my credit card is going to thank me later next month. fml. also because le panda is farewelling w his frens oen bby one. reminded me of the time last year - was it a year already? - how we all slowly and surely bid one another good bye.... it was one of the hardest thing to do. farewells. just when you think something couldn't get worse. farewells in public. wtf. cos you have to keep your cool and not go all BWAWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUW' on the streets. i rmbr bidding sawawah goodbye in front of sportiv hostel. i was just holding... just holding them tears in. knowing how friends will be on different paths, on different journeys, in different parts of the world, and NOT knowing when you'll see each other again truly does pull at one's heartstrings, and of course, tear ducts.
i rmbr bidding apt 111 good bye. i just wanted to bawlllllllllll. i rmbr standing downstairs the apt, and looking at the luggage-filled van pulling away w them boys and berneb inside. they didn't know how it break my heart. standing hand in hand w le panda, and tears rolling down my cheek, yea, maybe some will think i'm silly and emo, but i think le panda might just understand. we went back up to an empty apt. it's the same space but yet, different.
then it was sending off the boys from kahov, in them 5000-5000 taxis in pjs. i didn't know when i will ever see them again then. despite us being all in KL. still. doesn't matter. ppl just don't meet up that easily once you have a thing called job. it sucks. but so far, it's been ok.
our last date in moscowland - it was tea at the lil blue cafe, stroll along sportiv park and moscow river. sawawah thanks for making my memories in moscowland so much better and prettier. you're a very special being. i'm very glad and grateful that i came to know you and have you in my bunny life. thank you. T___T
we all have line and whatsapp to thank for in our lives.
and of course, weddings and happy occasions!
i miss the fuzzy feeling of having real genuine school friends. there's this simple complexity of sincerity and pureness in friendship that is je ne sais quoi and not found easily or anywhere. i'm glad i had my moments. and i'm happy just knowing they're happy too.
//
when i was in my last year in moscowland. it dawned on me that the 6 years has come to pass. because 6 years is such a long period that it seems like it's a never ending thing, it's like a thing that you tell others ' oh i have 6 years to fin the course' and telling that over and over and over again in years doesn't make it any easier to stomach the fact that it WILL eventually one day come to well, end. same thing goes to anything else that is in the same situation. and when the day comes, it somehow loses its 'TADAA' it's like, well, i can't believe the day much talked about is finally HERE. lilke this past year , i've been waiting and anticipating for le panda's return. and i can't really believe that it will be so soon! it just feels like it's something you talk about, think about, and can't wait for the day to be here, but when it is, it's like - whoa. i can't believe it. perhaps the talking did much false impression that it's so far away in the future. but knowing time - it just comes and pass us. leaving us - astounded, shaken and same yet, again, different. no? it feels like we are changed somehow, someway, but deeeeeeep inside, heck i'm still the same me. yeah.
so *rubs paws* we are counting down to 26 days to go. yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
ironically, i'm now in his room, where one year ago, we held each other and had tears streaming down, not having a fucking clue how i'd go through a year without my bestest companion, but we're now just 3 weeks away from being 'together' again. sigh. isn't life such a big test? it's beautiful, in retrospect.
wait..... what was i going to say again?
//
so. it's summer again. how do i know? because finally H&M has proper sales! wheeeeeeee i went cray cray of course. and my credit card is going to thank me later next month. fml. also because le panda is farewelling w his frens oen bby one. reminded me of the time last year - was it a year already? - how we all slowly and surely bid one another good bye.... it was one of the hardest thing to do. farewells. just when you think something couldn't get worse. farewells in public. wtf. cos you have to keep your cool and not go all BWAWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUW' on the streets. i rmbr bidding sawawah goodbye in front of sportiv hostel. i was just holding... just holding them tears in. knowing how friends will be on different paths, on different journeys, in different parts of the world, and NOT knowing when you'll see each other again truly does pull at one's heartstrings, and of course, tear ducts.
i rmbr bidding apt 111 good bye. i just wanted to bawlllllllllll. i rmbr standing downstairs the apt, and looking at the luggage-filled van pulling away w them boys and berneb inside. they didn't know how it break my heart. standing hand in hand w le panda, and tears rolling down my cheek, yea, maybe some will think i'm silly and emo, but i think le panda might just understand. we went back up to an empty apt. it's the same space but yet, different.
then it was sending off the boys from kahov, in them 5000-5000 taxis in pjs. i didn't know when i will ever see them again then. despite us being all in KL. still. doesn't matter. ppl just don't meet up that easily once you have a thing called job. it sucks. but so far, it's been ok.
our last date in moscowland - it was tea at the lil blue cafe, stroll along sportiv park and moscow river. sawawah thanks for making my memories in moscowland so much better and prettier. you're a very special being. i'm very glad and grateful that i came to know you and have you in my bunny life. thank you. T___T
we all have line and whatsapp to thank for in our lives.
and of course, weddings and happy occasions!
i miss the fuzzy feeling of having real genuine school friends. there's this simple complexity of sincerity and pureness in friendship that is je ne sais quoi and not found easily or anywhere. i'm glad i had my moments. and i'm happy just knowing they're happy too.
//
when i was in my last year in moscowland. it dawned on me that the 6 years has come to pass. because 6 years is such a long period that it seems like it's a never ending thing, it's like a thing that you tell others ' oh i have 6 years to fin the course' and telling that over and over and over again in years doesn't make it any easier to stomach the fact that it WILL eventually one day come to well, end. same thing goes to anything else that is in the same situation. and when the day comes, it somehow loses its 'TADAA' it's like, well, i can't believe the day much talked about is finally HERE. lilke this past year , i've been waiting and anticipating for le panda's return. and i can't really believe that it will be so soon! it just feels like it's something you talk about, think about, and can't wait for the day to be here, but when it is, it's like - whoa. i can't believe it. perhaps the talking did much false impression that it's so far away in the future. but knowing time - it just comes and pass us. leaving us - astounded, shaken and same yet, again, different. no? it feels like we are changed somehow, someway, but deeeeeeep inside, heck i'm still the same me. yeah.
so *rubs paws* we are counting down to 26 days to go. yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
ironically, i'm now in his room, where one year ago, we held each other and had tears streaming down, not having a fucking clue how i'd go through a year without my bestest companion, but we're now just 3 weeks away from being 'together' again. sigh. isn't life such a big test? it's beautiful, in retrospect.
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