why do i have this insatiable need to spend every ringgit that i earned?
thank goodness for the lil bit of self-restraint that i have left in me.

night calls are the loneliest days in this town. because that'd mean i'd have practically the day to myself, and literally so. just all by myself. cos it's rare to have others who'd share the same time off slot. or the time to layan me. boooo

lately i've been like attracting the wrong attentions. i dunno why. i didn't do anything. sometimes i just brush it off but sometimes, i must admit it scares me a little. perhaps it's the 'x' factor. as in unknown. not knowing what other parties have in mind or when i try to fathom, it gives me the shivers.

anyways, we never know what others think. which is also a good reason for me to learn to .... yes, you guessed it right. let go. which i'm trying to. which i think i must give myself a pat in the back. because i do deserve a small pat. as for le panda, we've since patched things up, but same old same old. i do think of him much and miss him and i even had such  long dream of him. the feeling of being so close together again was so surreal. in fact, i could anticipate his every replies and moves. i guess we do know each other very well. well enough.

which is also the reason why it freaks me out a lil to think how i'd function should i take the solo path again. would i be dysfunctional? have i lead myself to be who i am as a result of 'us'?

i mean, definitely this relationship, him, le panda, changed me in ways.. i've since become another me. but i'm still me, if you understand. it gave me confidence in ways i didn't know possible. it gave me radiance in a most strange way. i'm a result of everything that was.

which is why i'm standing here now. staring at all the different fishes. weird ones. weirder ones. and they really scare me. all i can do is to try to avoid any run-ins. and to think more about them.

nap time for bunny after a solo sushi lunch.
i hate day time for night calls :(