daggers

Time. something that i come to learn to appreciate. how stealthily it slips through like sands leaving no chance of panting or catching your breath even; but how a glorious monster it is when spent at the a most familiar comfort circle of love. love. love.

like now. like how i'm surrounded by love and blessings now. right this instant.  

and then it's been a month.

And 2 months since i last held le panda and sent him off at that very spot 10 steps away from that escalator that we've always taken together.  together. what does it even mean to us anymore? we're together but not together per se. it baffles me sometimes; but i hang on by on threads of fleeting moments of us sharing chendols and indian rojak in ss1. i'm living and filling up that gaps in btwn spoonfuls of soy bean ice creams and blissful moments in london - but really, i don't think i can ever find anyone who compliments so well w me it hurts just to think about it.

it's beyond an understatement to say that i miss you because i miss you like crazy.

but then there's time. building up a bridge; a distance. something so solid you can't move it; you can't breathe should you choke. and then there's hope. that very light, not even rainbow after the rain. to know that everything's gonna be okay.

i'm writing this to you. from your very room. living in that hole you left me. i may be in your clothes, using your very comp to write this to you through the dimensions, and it may not reach you. but in our minds, we're of the same thoughts, in our hearts, the same love, and we're moulded into one. here i am, i'm weak, tears running down my face, an absolute mess but you know i'm all yours to keep.

i'm just buying time. buying enough time till i'm complete w you back here w me. and until our next adventure begins. again.

//

i read this somewhere pinned up on a ward: time is like a knife. if you don't cut it, it will cut you. i don't truly understand what it meant, but it sure hell is cutting me.